you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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