The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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