You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
