Kiss
Puke
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
