the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
