That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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