I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You can't motorboat a personality
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
