I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
