If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
