you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
