I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
