thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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