Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
