just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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