i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
