If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
