your parents love me but you hate me
You really coming over, don't trick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
