Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
