whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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