I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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