I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
