Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
