Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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