what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
