If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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