I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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