I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet he comes in French.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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