how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
