Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
