I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
