sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
