i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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