dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
