Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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