Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
