I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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