At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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