I love black thongs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
