remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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