im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
