today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
