i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
