remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
