In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
