first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
