So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
