Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
