he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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