I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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