I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
