Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
