this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
