he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wear drunk well.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
