I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
