Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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