garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
