So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
