I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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