So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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