I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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