its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
