Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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