He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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