sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
