I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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