In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize