I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, beer. Big fan.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
