You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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