I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize