There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
