I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
