It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
