If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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