The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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