Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
