If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
