I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
