I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just pee around me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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