Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
