I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
