There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
