I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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