By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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