I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
