4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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