Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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