Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
