Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
