i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
