I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
