New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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