remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need moral support for this bender
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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