He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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